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Happy Science Fiction Day; and Birthday, Isaac Asimov (1920-92)! 🚀🌌🤖
Jokes and Laughter for the Day
- Thread starter Odyssey
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It's Pi Day!
Once upon a time there was an old farmer in West Virginia. His son Zeke was very bright, and was awarded multiple scholarships to attend college. He was the first person in the family to have a higher education.
Zeke majored in Algebra.
When Zeke came home for spring break, he took a trip with his dad to the general store. The usual gang of loafers were sitting around the wood stove, drinking RC Cola, chewing tobacco, and telling lies.
The farmer wanted to show off his educated son.
“Zeke, say something in that there Algy-bra,” said the father. “I always wanted to have somebody in the family who spoke a foreign language.”
Zeke was pretty flustered, and blurted out, “Pi R Square!”
“Confound it!” muttered the farmer. “What in tarnation are they teachin' you at that there college?”
“Everybody knows pie are round! Cornbread are square!”
Once upon a time there was an old farmer in West Virginia. His son Zeke was very bright, and was awarded multiple scholarships to attend college. He was the first person in the family to have a higher education.
Zeke majored in Algebra.
When Zeke came home for spring break, he took a trip with his dad to the general store. The usual gang of loafers were sitting around the wood stove, drinking RC Cola, chewing tobacco, and telling lies.
The farmer wanted to show off his educated son.
“Zeke, say something in that there Algy-bra,” said the father. “I always wanted to have somebody in the family who spoke a foreign language.”
Zeke was pretty flustered, and blurted out, “Pi R Square!”
“Confound it!” muttered the farmer. “What in tarnation are they teachin' you at that there college?”
“Everybody knows pie are round! Cornbread are square!”
Some things can't be unseen! I just packed a can of spam for my upcoming trip, think I might unpack it now (and send it to Alan Gage).
Yes I agree, a waste of a perfectly good can of Spam. OTOH I'd be surprised if Mem's arsenal of instruments don't include this:
A "Spamjo"?
I'm not sure it's as good as Spam
The 41+ Best Canoe Jokes - ↑UPJOKE↑
A big list of canoe jokes! 41 of them, in fact! Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond!
upjoke.com
A whole bunch of canoe related jokes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Zombie that ate Brian?
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Hey @Glenn MacGrady , if & when you get a minute, we need an "eye roll" emoji option for the "like" button ...
Can Spam be far behind?
Don't think I can put an eyeroll on the reactions button, but, if you have a Windows keyboard, you can get thousands of emojis, GIFs and symbols by pressing the Windows and Period keys simultaneously.
Since this is International Beer Day, I'll pour the following:
After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
Corona's president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
and the Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
Corona's president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
and the Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a Canadian are captured by cannibals.
The chief cannibal comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, put you in a pot, cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take zee sword."
The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "Right--a pistol for me, please."
The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at himself, says, "God save the king!" and shoots.
The Canadian says, "Gimme a fork."
The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The Canadian takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out of holes all over his body; it's horrible!
The chief is appalled, and asks, "What in the world are you doing?"
The Canadian says, "So much for your effin' canoe!"
The chief cannibal comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, put you in a pot, cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take zee sword."
The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "Right--a pistol for me, please."
The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at himself, says, "God save the king!" and shoots.
The Canadian says, "Gimme a fork."
The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The Canadian takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out of holes all over his body; it's horrible!
The chief is appalled, and asks, "What in the world are you doing?"
The Canadian says, "So much for your effin' canoe!"
What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
He wiped his bum.
He wiped his bum.
I didn't recall that we had a "Joke of the Day" thread in the Fishing & Hunting forum, because we have a much longer joke and cartoon thread called "Laughter is the best medicine" in the General Discussion and Advice forum. Maybe the OP, Mem, was originally thinking of jokes about wildlife, but the jokes have gone beyond wildlife.
So, I'm going to merge the two threads, rename the merged thread "Jokes and Laughter for the Day", and pin it in the General Discussion and Advice forum
So, I'm going to merge the two threads, rename the merged thread "Jokes and Laughter for the Day", and pin it in the General Discussion and Advice forum
Come on, y'all! You are turning into humorless curmudgeons!
Once upon a time, a young apprentice pirate signed on as crew aboard the Black Pearl. His job was assisting the cook in the galley, so he went below to meet his new boss.
The cook was as fearsome as any pirate who had ever lived. He had an earring and a long scraggly beard, and tattoos covered every square inch of his skin. He had an eye patch, a wooden leg, and a hook in place of one hand. The apprentice was curious about the injuries.
"Aye, lad! We were in a battle with the Royal Navy, and a cannon ball took me leg right off!"
"And the hook?"
"I fell overboard, and a great white shark thought I was his lunch. I would have been done for if me shipmates hadn't thrown me a rope!"
"What about the eye patch?"
"I got an eyelash in me eye."
"But....but....just a little eyelash?"
"Aye, it was me first day with me hook."
Once upon a time, a young apprentice pirate signed on as crew aboard the Black Pearl. His job was assisting the cook in the galley, so he went below to meet his new boss.
The cook was as fearsome as any pirate who had ever lived. He had an earring and a long scraggly beard, and tattoos covered every square inch of his skin. He had an eye patch, a wooden leg, and a hook in place of one hand. The apprentice was curious about the injuries.
"Aye, lad! We were in a battle with the Royal Navy, and a cannon ball took me leg right off!"
"And the hook?"
"I fell overboard, and a great white shark thought I was his lunch. I would have been done for if me shipmates hadn't thrown me a rope!"
"What about the eye patch?"
"I got an eyelash in me eye."
"But....but....just a little eyelash?"
"Aye, it was me first day with me hook."
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