Perhaps I have posted this before, not sure, but it's my favorite poem for canoe tripping, I usually have a copy with me and read it to the students on day five. Al Purdy, there hasn't been anyone like him since, although I often aspire to try. Al wrote this when the Canadian government still valued its artists, and sent him to the Arctic so he could render his impressions in poetry.
WHEN I SAT DOWN TO PLAY THE PIANO
He cometh forth hurriedly from his tent
and looketh for a quiet sequestered vale
he carrieth a roll of violet toilet tissue
and a forerunner goeth ahead to do him honour
yclept a snotty-nosed Eskimo kid
He findeth a quiet glade among great stones
squatteth forthwith and undoeth trousers
Irrational Man by Wm. Barret in hand
while the other dismisseth mosquitoes
and beginneth the most natural of natural functions
buttocks balanced above the boulders
Then
dogs1
Dogs2
Dogs12
all shapes and sizes
all colours and religious persuasion
a plague of dogs rushing in
having been attracted by the philosophical climate
and being wishful to learn about existential dogs
and denial of the self with regard to b*tches
But let’s call a spade a shovel
therefore there I am I am I think that is
surrounded by a dozen dozen fierce Eskimo dogs
with an inexplicable (to me) appetite
or human excrement
Dear Ann Landers
what would you do?
Dear Galloping Gourmet
what would you do
In a case like this?
Well I’ll tell you
NOT A dang THING
You just squat there cursing hopelessly
while the kid throws stones
and tries to keep them off and out from under
as a big black husky dashes in
swift as an enemy submarine
white teeth snapping at the anus
I shriek
and shriek
(the kid laughs)
and hold onto my pants
sans dignity
sans intellect
sans Wm. Barrett
and dang near sans anus
Stand firm little Eskimo kid
it giveth candy if I had any
it giveth a dime in lieu of same
STAND FIRM
Oh avatar of Olympian excellence
Noble Eskimo youth do your stuff
Zeus in the Arctic dog pound
Montcalm at Quebec
Leonidas at Thermopylae
Custer’s last stand at Little Big Horn
“KEEP THEM dang DOGS OFF
YOU MISERABLE LITTLE BRAT”
Afterwards
Achilles retreateth without honour
unzippered and sullen
and sulketh in his tent till next time appointed
his anus shrinketh
he escheweth all forms of laxative and physick meanwhile
and prayeth for constipation
addresseth himself to the Eskimo brat miscalled
“Lo tho I walk thru the valley of
the shadowy kennels
In the land of permanent ice cream
I will fear no huskies
For thou art with me
and slingeth thy stones forever and ever
Thou veritable David
Amen”
PS Next time I’m gonna take a gun
Al Purdy
Kikastan Islands
WHEN I SAT DOWN TO PLAY THE PIANO
He cometh forth hurriedly from his tent
and looketh for a quiet sequestered vale
he carrieth a roll of violet toilet tissue
and a forerunner goeth ahead to do him honour
yclept a snotty-nosed Eskimo kid
He findeth a quiet glade among great stones
squatteth forthwith and undoeth trousers
Irrational Man by Wm. Barret in hand
while the other dismisseth mosquitoes
and beginneth the most natural of natural functions
buttocks balanced above the boulders
Then
dogs1
Dogs2
Dogs12
all shapes and sizes
all colours and religious persuasion
a plague of dogs rushing in
having been attracted by the philosophical climate
and being wishful to learn about existential dogs
and denial of the self with regard to b*tches
But let’s call a spade a shovel
therefore there I am I am I think that is
surrounded by a dozen dozen fierce Eskimo dogs
with an inexplicable (to me) appetite
or human excrement
Dear Ann Landers
what would you do?
Dear Galloping Gourmet
what would you do
In a case like this?
Well I’ll tell you
NOT A dang THING
You just squat there cursing hopelessly
while the kid throws stones
and tries to keep them off and out from under
as a big black husky dashes in
swift as an enemy submarine
white teeth snapping at the anus
I shriek
and shriek
(the kid laughs)
and hold onto my pants
sans dignity
sans intellect
sans Wm. Barrett
and dang near sans anus
Stand firm little Eskimo kid
it giveth candy if I had any
it giveth a dime in lieu of same
STAND FIRM
Oh avatar of Olympian excellence
Noble Eskimo youth do your stuff
Zeus in the Arctic dog pound
Montcalm at Quebec
Leonidas at Thermopylae
Custer’s last stand at Little Big Horn
“KEEP THEM dang DOGS OFF
YOU MISERABLE LITTLE BRAT”
Afterwards
Achilles retreateth without honour
unzippered and sullen
and sulketh in his tent till next time appointed
his anus shrinketh
he escheweth all forms of laxative and physick meanwhile
and prayeth for constipation
addresseth himself to the Eskimo brat miscalled
“Lo tho I walk thru the valley of
the shadowy kennels
In the land of permanent ice cream
I will fear no huskies
For thou art with me
and slingeth thy stones forever and ever
Thou veritable David
Amen”
PS Next time I’m gonna take a gun
Al Purdy
Kikastan Islands