A bit of research convinces me that we are all rank amateurs and hopeless incompetents at serious bear deterrence. Herewith my findings and recommendations for a truly bear safe wilderness trip.
Every campsite should be surrounded heavy duty portable electric bear fencing.
In addition, each tent should be surrounded by Electra Netting bear fence.
Each person must of course carry spray, bangers and screamers.
In addition, each person should have an RG-59 five-shot revolver launcher carried on chest or belt with a pyrotechnic launcher holster.
As long guns, a Tippman Bravo One Elite paintball marker is mandatory . . .
. . . as is a 12 gauge shotgun armed with a variety of specialized bear shells . . .
. . . along with mid-range and long-range rubber slugs:
Banging pots and pans is so 16th century. Each person must have an Xtreme Rattler and Xtreme Siren.
Now for the two coups de grâce for ugly ursa. First the entire perimeter electric fence must be studded with several Critter Glitters, which detect movement and then emit flashing strobe lights and a piercing siren.
Finally, mounted along the perimeter fencing at strategic locations must be several Zon Electra Scare Cannons, which fire blasts of propane, either manually controlled or radio controlled.
You will find all these bear deterrents and other wildlife scare products, along with many others, at Margo Supplies in Arizona. You may have to spring for a few grand, but you'll be as safe as Goldilocks from the three bears. The b*tch is that you may need a really big canoe to carry all this stuff. The only one I'm aware of would be a freighter canoe custom built by Memaquay and custom outfitted by Mike McCrea. Maybe they'd do it pro bono . . . just to save all our lives.
Every campsite should be surrounded heavy duty portable electric bear fencing.
In addition, each tent should be surrounded by Electra Netting bear fence.
Each person must of course carry spray, bangers and screamers.
In addition, each person should have an RG-59 five-shot revolver launcher carried on chest or belt with a pyrotechnic launcher holster.
As long guns, a Tippman Bravo One Elite paintball marker is mandatory . . .
. . . as is a 12 gauge shotgun armed with a variety of specialized bear shells . . .
. . . along with mid-range and long-range rubber slugs:
Banging pots and pans is so 16th century. Each person must have an Xtreme Rattler and Xtreme Siren.
Now for the two coups de grâce for ugly ursa. First the entire perimeter electric fence must be studded with several Critter Glitters, which detect movement and then emit flashing strobe lights and a piercing siren.
Finally, mounted along the perimeter fencing at strategic locations must be several Zon Electra Scare Cannons, which fire blasts of propane, either manually controlled or radio controlled.
You will find all these bear deterrents and other wildlife scare products, along with many others, at Margo Supplies in Arizona. You may have to spring for a few grand, but you'll be as safe as Goldilocks from the three bears. The b*tch is that you may need a really big canoe to carry all this stuff. The only one I'm aware of would be a freighter canoe custom built by Memaquay and custom outfitted by Mike McCrea. Maybe they'd do it pro bono . . . just to save all our lives.
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Where is the roulette wheel? I'll take that. I can shoot myself and spray myself and have a banger target my head.
