Critter proofing food containers reminded me of the funniest food theft I have witnessed.
We were group car camping on a long “Weekend of rivers” trip. Big group gathering on the banks of the Pocomoke, so it wasn’t like the food loss had tragic consequences. I was sitting in our campsite when friends the next site over began unpacking coolers and food from their hatchback and carrying it over to the picnic table to feed their kids. They left the hatchback open between trips.
A family of obviously habituated raccoons, awaiting their chance, scurried out of the bush, and big mamma immediately climbed into their car and just as immediately exited grasping a loaf of bread. A huge loaf of bread, like one of those 18” long Wonderbread family-sized loaves.
Hit the ground running with it. Well, not running, standing upright and waddling awkwardly, clutching a loaf of bread while dragging most of it on the ground between hind legs. Bowlegged hind legs, straddling a loaf of whitebread. That alone was a sight.
One of the soon-to-be breadless saw this and charged up, yelling “Stop, STOP, drop that!” and clapping their hands, cutting off any escape route back into the nearby brush.
No problem, big mamma just turned and waddled faster in the other direction, still clutching her precious bread loaf. Completely across a very full, tightly spaced campground, accompanied by her half-grown cubs bounding alongside. Through site after site of folks sitting down for lunch or lounging about.
That was not the first time, or last time, in 20 years of trips there that raccoons entered someone’s open car and made off with their food at Milburn Landing, it was dang near a regular occurrence with the unwise and yet-unlearned. Just usually not witnessed by one and all.
The consternation and laughter from other sites as mama and family made their long escape was most memorable.
And, in the usual Duckhead way of memorializing misfortune, for the rest of the trip friends would occasionally run through their campsite clutching a loaf of bread, held delicately beneath their chin, chattering “Breadbreadbread” in a high pitched voice. I may have been amongst them.