Soloing while married

[billconner]

I have not seen this discussed much beyond communication devices and was curious of the experiences of others. Plainly, now retired, my wife is quite opposed to my going on long treks. A week or 10 days is strongly frowned upon, and the idea of a NFCT through trip is very poorly received. Not sure a satellite text device will do it, I think a sat phone will help a tiny bit, but still opposed.

Anyone else face spousal opposition to canoe trips and any strategies for overcoming the resistance?

 

[alsg]

Just go?

 

[Canotrouge]

Hahaha sorry... my wife is out more than me(she teaches grade 10 outdoor education program! But she would never be opposed to me going anywhere... that said she is not excited to see me going on my own!!

 

[TrailBlaser]

For years, when I tried to win approval for a satellite text device, my wife would say, "You don't need that, you always come back." I never quite knew how to take that...Now, at 67, with my daughter's support (both philosophical and financial), a device is part of my kit. After I purchased it earlier this year, my daughter said something like, "I am going to pay the cost of your subscription. I want to know where you are on these trips you take and that you are ok." So, even though I know that my wife and children would prefer that I didn't take these solo trips into the backcountry, they finally seem to have accepted that I am going to do it. I think they even realize the trips will be more frequent, especially since I plan to retire in the near future. My approach will be as it has always been, to take all possible precautions, be conservative when making decisions in the backcountry while taking full advantage of the years I have left to make these trips.

 

[Jim Dodd]

I have not seen this discussed much beyond communication devices and was curious of the experiences of others. Plainly, now retired, my wife is quite opposed to my going on long treks. A week or 10 days is strongly frowned upon, and the idea of a NFCT through trip is very poorly received. Not sure a satellite text device will do it, I think a sat phone will help a tiny bit, but still opposed.

Anyone else face spousal opposition to canoe trips and any strategies for overcoming the resistance?

Yeah ! Never had any push back in my younger days. I'm 70 now, and any trip longer than a day or two. presents problems.

If I'm with someone else ? Not so much. I understand that !

So now ? I still paddle Solo, with someone else that is paddling either solo, or tandem. And Really ? That works for me.

I still get to take my short river solos, on the local streams ,that I have lived nearly my entire life on .

I resist going the Technology route, but fear it may be in my future.

Jim

 

[PeteStaehling]

My wife always supported my trips even multi month ones. The only time it is a problem is when I don't stay in touch enough after setting too high of an expectation. I guess I am super lucky in that regard.

 

[yknpdlr]

I guess I was always lucky. Having been in the Air Force and then a governement civilian employee, multi-week and multi--day trips away from home were a fact of life. Not any big deal for the most part. But She still talks about the time when I was on a typhoon evacuation mission leaving Guam, island hopping from point to point day by day across the Pacific to eescape the storm, the command post could not tell her exactly where I was on any given day. It is a source of humor to this day. On other occasions, the command post may not have been allowed to tell her here I was for mission secuiity reasons. So my family became accustomed to my exact whereeabouts being unknown.

When I did my usual solo canoe/backpack wilderness trips of up to 5 days, it was therefore no big deal. If my planned return day was stormy, more than once I did not risk padling my canoe in bad weather and spent an extra night out. She knew and understood this without panicking or alerting SAR.

When I asked (told) her I was going to paddle 1000 miles in a canoe race on the Yukon River, I simply offered to bring her along to be on my pit crew. After the first time when she met the mother of one of my crew members, they remain best friends to this day. She keeps track of my progress and estimated future location times with a rece required SPOT device and a tracking computer program that I wrote for her. Five races later I am still going to the Yukon. But I may have made a mistake in an agreement I made with her about that. She created a rule that when she reaches Dawson City on the way as pit crew, she gets to visit her favorite jewelry store and buys a (small) gold nugget for every 500 miles that I paddle. I can't afford many more of these races as her necklace gets heavier and heavier.

 

[PaddlingPitt]

My wife, Kathleen, is definitely opposed to me going solo tripping. We have been tripping together, backpacking and canoeing for over 40 years. She would certainly resent staying home while I was out there having all the fun!

 

[alsg]

My wife, Kathleen, is definitely opposed to me going solo tripping. We have been tripping together, backpacking and canoeing for over 40 years. She would certainly resent staying home while I was out there having all the fun!

A very lucky man are you!

 

[Cheeseandbeans]

I had been taking trips of a week in length before I met my wife, so I guess it was understood. I never take it for granted and always watch the kids if she goes away. I do understand it could change as I get older, but if the kids are out of the house I will just take her along. I won’t be up for the crazy portages at that point anyway I imagine.

I can see both sides of it, but if you have a means to call SAR in an emergency I don’t see why she should take issue. It is obviously important to you and I wouldn’t want to be the reason my wife can’t pursue her passion.

Bob

 

[Guest]

I have not seen this discussed much beyond communication devices and was curious of the experiences of others. Plainly, now retired, my wife is quite opposed to my going on long treks. A week or 10 days is strongly frowned upon, and the idea of a NFCT through trip is very poorly received. Not sure a satellite text device will do it, I think a sat phone will help a tiny bit, but still opposed.

Anyone else face spousal opposition to canoe trips and any strategies for overcoming the resistance?

Bill, everyone’s spousal relationship is different. My wife, sometimes with my sons, sometimes with ladies groups, camps and day paddles without me. She, like me, often goes a day early or stays a day late for some alone time.

I do admittedly worry a bit, but she is a lifelong camper, and near lifelong paddler. I worry more when she is on long bike treks, especially after she once wrecked, but I trust her judgment, and her trips are rarely out of cell phone coverage.

On the other side, she has never mentioned any concerns about me being out, even on long solo trips, and I do not have an In-reach, sat phone, come-save-me device. I don’t even carry a useless no-tower thereabouts cell phone.

It helps that she is accustomed, even from pre-marriage days, to me vanishing for weeks on end. That’s who she married.

As far as “strategies for overcoming resistance”, maybe start with shorter duration trips, relieving her concerns by staying “I’m safe” in touch carrying some device, and work up to multi-week adventures when she (hopefully) becomes more comfortable.

 

[pblanc]

While I don't go off for long treks into the wilderness I do disappear from home for a week to 10 days to go off and paddle in different locations.

My wife always looks slightly disappointed when I show up back at home.

 

[Jim Dodd]

I remember a friend that had a Spot, if I'm not mistaken. While in the BWCA, ran into some trouble ( I don't remember the details) But a couple of Rangers happened to come by, and helped him.

He had sent a message to his wife, that he might be a day late.

His wife never checked on it.

All is well that ends well !

 

[Guest]

I do disappear from home for a week to 10 days to go off and paddle in different locations.

My wife always looks slightly disappointed when I show up back at home.

Pete, I wasn’t going to mention it, but shortly after I retired I returned from a 7 week cross country trip, on which I did call home a couple times. Or at least once.

When I walked into the house late that night my wife said “Good to see you back. Well, I’m going to bed”

 

[pblanc]

Pete, I wasn’t going to mention it, but shortly after I retired I returned from a 7 week cross country trip, on which I did call home a couple times. Or at least once.

When I walked into the house late that night my wife said “Good to see you back. Well, I’m going to bed”

Well, at least she didn't have the locks changed.

 

[PeteStaehling]

The key isn't so much to call home often as to call home more often than you say you will. Set expectations low if in doubt. Oh and use texts and email. They go through quickly and when there is a weak signal.

 

[goonstroke]

I have a SPOT, and from a marital harmony perspective that has worked well. I always send two "OK" messages from each campsite, and I have the other button programmed to "I'm OK but late". She knows I can press the red button if something really bad happens.

To me, being "out there" means not having to communicate with anyone or anything that doesn't swim, paddle or walk into conversational range, so the very limited one-way communication possible with a SPOT is ideal. The drawback is that if there are possible back-home or work events/responsibilities that could pluck me out of paradise, then I can't take a long trip.

The other drawback is that the b*st*rds keep raising the subscription price.

 

[Black_Fly]

I'm retired, but wife is 9 years younger and still working. I get the guilt trip about leaving her behind, but sitting on my butt until she can get time off isn't an option. No way to handle it other than just go. I take a PLB and my itinerary is well known. When I'm too old to trip (hopefully never) I'll have memories of something bedsides Judge Judy reruns.

 

[yellowcanoe]

I think Bill was asking not about soloing while married but soloing while married AND retired.. This can work if the left at home partner has something they would like to do alone. Not so good if the options are limited to Judge Judy reruns
I used to solo alot when we were married and especially when he was on FEMA assignments away from home for months at a time. Now not so much. He has woodworking for sure but old age seems to be getting in the way not marriage (51 years). Soloing doesn't seem as attractive anymore.

 

[billconner]

Yes. Both retired. She just does not like being alone for a week or two, not really for more than 2-3 nights. A through paddle of NFCT is probably 8 weeks for me.

Thanks all.