Kevin Callan's 91 (!!!) Rules for Wilderness Canoe Camping

[Glenn MacGrady]

It's another magazine list. Some of the rules are modestly humorous.

91 Rules Every Wilderness Canoeist Should Know

#29. Always volunteer to cook the dirtiest meals. Because he who cooks doesn’t clean up. And 90 more pearls of tripping wisdom.

paddlingmag.com

 

[MyKneesHurt]

I will go to the mat over the Smarties vs. M&Ms debate.

 

[scratchypants]

I will go to the mat over the Smarties vs. M&Ms debate.

Canadian Smarties aren't American Smarties - we call those "Rockets". Our Smarties are pretty close to M&M's, just different milk chocolate.

 

[jdeerfoot]

I spent 12 years/23 weeks of trips in the greater Wabakimi area accurately measuring portages for the Wabakimi Project. You are welcome.

 

[Gamma1214]

I spent 12 years/23 weeks of trips in the greater Wabakimi area accurately measuring portages for the Wabakimi Project.

But did you carry the proverbial measuring wheel? (in meters, rods or feet?)

6. Show fewer slides in your next slideshow.

I stink at rule-following anyway so I'll probably just ignore this one. (though maybe a TR is different because the reader controls the pace)

 

[PaddlingPitt]

What I like best about wilderness canoeing is that there are zero rules. Zero guidelines. Zero asked for suggestions. Keep your rules to yourself.

 

[PaddlingPitt]

If it’s a contest, I could probably come up with 114 rules, at least two of which I hope would be more than modestly humerous.

 

[PaddlingPitt]

Number 1: To experience the glory and pristine beauty of the wilderness, never bring toilet paper. This actually happened to me on a backpacking trip with my stepbrother.

OK.. I have been drinking. I turn over the next rule to you. Whadda you got?

 

[PaddlingPitt]

OK. Number 2: I have always said that you can never have too much rope on a wilderness canoe trip. After more than 30 years of wilderness canoeing, I am now up to about 33.6 pounds of rope on each trip. The rope requires its own, personal blue barrel. Perhaps this rule needs to be amended.

 

[jdeerfoot]

But did you carry the proverbial measuring wheel? (in meters, rods or feet?)

We used a 30 meter tape and were strictly supervised and expected to ensure the tape was laid flat on the tread so we got an exact measurement. Wabakimi Project standards on portages started to decline once Uncle Phil became too feeble to walk back and check our work.

 

[Sweetfancymoses]

I am now up to about 33.6 pounds of rope on each trip.

Now, that's a lot of rope.

 

[memaquay]

Rule # 1 - When on a group trip, if an unknown person hands you a small carrot muffin that has a skull and crossbone wrapper on it, immediately refuse it.
Rule # 2 - If rule # 1 was ignored, upon realizing that the muffin was in fact loaded with the Devil's lettuce, do not attempt any form of paddling, in fact, retreat to tent for the next several hours until you can talk and move again.
Rule #3 - always canoe trip solo, group trips are sketchy, if it's not the Devil's Muffins, it could be Deliverance.

 

[PaddlingPitt]

Now, that's a lot of rope.

Perhaps I was exaggerating

 

[Glenn MacGrady]

Number 1: To experience the glory and pristine beauty of the wilderness, never bring toilet paper.

Perhaps this should be Number 2 just for consistency sake. Nevertheless, my grandfather who taught me woodsmanship in Maine when I was a boy showed my how to use large green leaves instead of toilet paper. I suppose it's fortunate that we were not in the Maine woods during spring, fall or winter.

Perhaps I was exaggerating

Well, you're now posting the morning after.

 

[PaddlingPitt]

Perhaps this should be Number 2 just for consistency sake. Nevertheless, my grandfather who taught me woodsmanship in Maine when I was a boy showed my how to use large green leaves instead of toilet paper. I suppose it's fortunate that we were not in the Maine woods during spring, fall or winter.

Common mullein makes excellent toilet paper. Large, soft leaves.

Common Mullein, <em>Verbascum thapsus</em>

Have you seen those tall spikes poking up along roadsides or in gardens from wooly leaves? Soon the yellow flowers will start to open (if they haven’t already) on these common mullein plants. If you’d like to learn more about this widespread weed, read this article...

hort.extension.wisc.edu

 

[PaddlingPitt]

Common Mullein, aka “Cowboy Toilet Paper,” in case you thought I was joking.

Common Mullein, Verbascum thapsus, "Cowboy Toilet Paper" - UF/IFAS Extension Columbia County

Roadside Attraction Now more than ever, you might find yourself driving down country roads to see the wonders of blooming wildflowers on the sides of the road. Phlox, coreopsis, gaillardia, fleabane, rudbeckia, and sage. Like many you may even stop and take photographs in the fields. You might...

blogs.ifas.ufl.edu

 

[Erica]

I carried a lot of rope on last summer's trip, thinking I would hardly use any of it. Barely made it through. Could have used a lot more.

 

[Blukanu]

I chuckled at the one about not needing an axe. Figured that one out years ago. Also if using a stick stove I learned I don’t need a saw either.