​Farmersexual II

[Guest]

I finally got around to working on Farmersexual II.

I broke a shovel in Cooterville last fall. Nice heavy duty square blade, encrusted with old concrete, with a crappy hollow fiberglass handle. The handle already had a kink in it, and I guess I shouldn’t have used it as a lever. Ooops.

Stout new wood handle, blade cleaned of old concrete, vinegar solution bathed, baking soda neutralized, sanded, primered and painted. Some glitter-sprinkled-on-epoxy, some fancy Best Made stripes and I’m ready to once again drive all the city chicks crazy.





I’m hoping for another group photo op after I deliver it to Cooterville.

 

[memaquay]

Ha, very nice, you better watch yourself, once us fellas reach a certain age, we can only handle one woman a night, and that's usually only on our birthdays. You show up in a place called Cooterville with a shovel like that, it'll be your birthday every night.

 

[Will Derness]

May I submit that it appears to me you are getting desperate for shop projects?

Seems to me you've worked your to do list hard this past winter. Well, there is the upside of not letting idle hands become a tool of the devil - Shop On!

 

[clemency]

Is the striping in accurately measured increments so folks know how deep a hole they've dug?

 

[Guest]

You show up in a place called Cooterville with a shovel like that, it'll be your birthday every night.

Cooterville is the colloquial name for the Tortoise Reserve, a sprawling turtle and tortoise captive breeding conservation farm hidden down a long dirt lane in the piney woods of rural North Carolina.

There are a lot of dirt roads thereabouts, some lead to homes and some lead to nowhere in the woods or farm fields. Home owners in that part of NC get to pick a blue-sign name for their long dirt drives. “Cooterville” was chosen for the half mile of dirt road that leads to the Reserve.

Unwisely chosen. There is no road name sign, but not for lack of effort. The slang meaning of Cooter was not fully appreciated. The first sign was gone in days. The second sign, on a post set in concrete, was sawn off above ground.

I got seriously annoyed, so the third sign was of baffling installation. Hollow steel post, with long pieces of rebar inside. Pieces of horizontal rebar through the bottom of the post, which was sunk in a large hole filled with 100 lbs of concrete.

Gone. Giant concrete ball, rebar spikes, post and all. I know when I’m licked.

Is the striping in accurately measured increments so folks know how deep a hole they've dug?

No need. Last visit I hit water 6 inches down. It has been a wet spring, so I probably won’t be doing much hole digging.

 

[Guest]

Shovels? We don’t need no steenkin’ shovels in Cooterville

 

[Odyssey]

Go ahead and paint fairy dusted stripes on those shovels to your heart's content, but if you dare mess with the Deere you may have a whole world of tractor enthusiasts to contend with. (LOL)
I really like the sea turtle logo.

 

[Guest]

Go ahead and paint fairy dusted stripes on those shovels to your heart's content, but if you dare mess with the Deere you may have a whole world of tractor enthusiasts to contend with. (LOL)
I really like the sea turtle logo.

I’m not messing with John Deere green. That is a Leatherback, inked by a noted illustrator and clear enamel sprayed by a guy with too much time on his hands.

One thing about those shovels; no one is “mistaking” them for theirs and accidentally taking them home.

Once the Best Made store recognizes the marketability of Farmersexual implements I’ll be riding high. I have plenty of old spray paint and tape, and just need to come up with some Hipster names for the stripped handles.

The Trencher. The Transcontinental. The Kauri Gum Digger. $250 each, more if you want them to look used.

I’ll be rich!